Years ago, I bought the pun-intended brilliant Philips hue lights when they first came out, and they have lit my bedroom since. I have dozens of light recipes (combinations where each bulb has a preset colour and brightness that you can trigger with a tap), alarms for waking up peacefully to artificial sunrise, and geolocation so I can just walk out and know they'll turn off after I'm one hundred metres away, and turn back on when I return. As a bonus, they use 80% less energy than regular bulbs and are supposed to last 12 years. I love them.

Except for the supernatural possession.

Yeah. I'm sorry, my hue lights appear to be controlled by a spectre. But I wanna be respectful; I don't know what term this being identifies as: spirit, ghoul, wraith, Gogolithic Mass, whatever. I don't know what is the most inclusive term for referring to this "gifted presence". Although if it's the Gogolithic Mass, I'll skip straight to the Megatome Detonation. I may not be a Scythian, but I played Swords & Sworcery so I know exactly what is up.

Here's what happens: Once in a while, maybe separated by months of peaceful illumination, my hue lights will one by one fade out. This is a very deliberate procession. They don't just blink out, like power was lost. They don't flicker or fizzle. They very intentionally and sinisterly fade out, one bulb at a time, until my bedroom is engulfed in darkness.

The first time it happened, I just stayed where I was on my bed and quietly WTFed to myself for a minute until they abruptly came back on to the same light recipe they were on before the electronic seizure occurred. That was that and I didn't think of it again until the second visitation.

This time, I happened to be in motion when it started, so by some trick of my eyes and the position of the first light that faded, my shadow shifted across the room and quite possibly acquired shining red eyes on the way. I managed not to jump out the window, and instead calmly backed out and watched the black rectangle that was my doorway until earthly order was restored.

The third time, I was back on my bed reading. The first light faded, and I just sat up and walked out in my best Nope stride.

And just now, minutes before I decided to write this post, I was fiddling with my Watch when the wall between dimensions once again faltered.


I am sorry.

On a scale of one to even, I can't.

Philips Support is about to get a really weird email. In fact, I think I'll just copy this post and see what they say.